At What Expense

My husband had all our funds pulled up on the computer one night... Then the dreaded question came, "How are we going to fix this spending problem?"

I had it in my head that only spending $20 here or there was no big deal, but it added up fast, and seeing it all out in a list in front of me really opened my eyes. Then I looked in HIS eyes. My faithful husband who works allowing me to be home with our son, and I had betrayed him. Betrayed his trust.

When we got married everything became shared. We became one flesh, and our incomes became one account, and when I stopped working to be home with our son it was still that one account. I was sinning by hiding purchases, using cash to get things instead of talking the purchase through with my husband.

And it wasn't the first time. When we got married I had a TON of debt and we immediately nixed a credit card then went onto paying off school debt and car debt etc etc. When you have a credit card you don't see the money leave your hand like when you have cash. You also don't have to pay it right away so it doesn't really hit you right away. The thing is God doesn't call us to be in debt...

The Bible says...

Romans 13:8 Owe nothing to anyone except to love one another; for he who loves his neighbor has fulfilled the law.

So how did I get to this place of debt and hiding and sinning?

I lost my contentment.

God promises many times to give us our NEEDS.

Deuteronomy 28:12

"The LORD will open for you His good storehouse, the heavens, to give rain to your land in its season and to bless all the work of your hand; and you shall lend to many nations, but you shall not borrow.

Hebrews 13:5

Make sure that your character is free from the love of money, being content with what you have; for He Himself has said, "I WILL NEVER DESERT YOU, NOR WILL I EVER FORSAKE YOU,"

Matthew 6:31-33

"Do not worry then, saying, 'What will we eat?' or 'What will we drink?' or 'What will we wear for clothing?' "For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. "But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you

Philippians 4:11-13

Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need. I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.

Trusting God to provide our needs, and finding contentment are so hard in a world that shows you the "latest and greatest" all the time. We scroll through Facebook and see our friends bought this or that new thing, or we are pummeled with adds on TV and the computer. Emails with this great sale! or Last chance deal! in the subject line.

It's not easy, but some steps I've taken to help curb my own spending and get back to a right place with God and my husband.

I gave my husband my credit cards. Let me be clear here THIS WAS MY CHOICE. He never demanded them or took them from me, I knew I had a problem and I know he handles money well for starters, but also he is the head of my house hold and I had sinned against him. If my child were using money incorrectly I would have taken his credit cards away so I chose to take them away from myself and give them to my husband whom I trusted to help me.

For awhile we talked through EVERY purchase. I went to the grocery store, showed him my list then came back with the receipt and my credit card and gave it back to him. Again MY OWN CHOICE here. Later on we just talked through larger purchases as I gained his trust back and felt more confident in controlling myself.

I left a lot of Facebook groups. It was very hard because I want to support my friend selling Mary K or Thirty One etc etc. But when I am in a place of not controlling my spending those are HUGE temptations because those groups are solely to post pictures of items to get you to buy them.

I stopped couponing for the most part. I used to be crazy coupon lady and had a huge stash of random items in my home. When we packed to move from a larger house to an apartment I realized the insanity of my ways. Lugging 25 or more bottles of laundry detergent up from my basement was honestly embarrassing! God doesn't call us to stockpile. He calls us to be content and to be thankful for what we have and trust him to supply our needs. So now I try my hardest to only use coupons for items I plan to buy anyway.

I unsubscribed from emails and stopped using loyalty cards for the most part. I gave my husband my Starbucks card, and quickly realized most of the reason I was stopping there was to keep my points up on my card to stay at "gold" level. Not having the card I didn't go there because I didn't want to spend cash on coffee. Especially when we had coffee at home.

I noticed my "trigger" times when I shopped the most. It was mostly online shopping in the evenings when I was "bored". So I found other things to fill that time like reading my Bible, chatting with friends, playing with my son, going to bed sooner etc etc.

I stopped going to garage sales. Not that they are bad but for me it was another temptation to buy something I didn't need.

Am I completely "cured" absolutely not. I stumble just like anyone else. I still have the "parties" like Norwex and Usborne etc. I still coupon here and there, and my husband and I recently just had another spending conversation. But it's better because I am THINKING ABOUT what I am buying.

I used to sell Jamberry, and as I was training I was thinking how similar it was to sharing our faith. First you show the person an item (God) then you explain how the item works ( explaining salvation) Then you show them why they need it in their life... you could carry more stuff, you will have a cleaner house, this will make your morning routine so easy etc etc ( Sharing your testimony of how God has worked in your life) Then the person usually doesn't buy right away, they take a catalog home and mull over their options and decide if it's really something to commit to (Reading the Bible for themselves, deciding to commit their life to God). I am in NO way judging those who sell things, it's a wonderful way to get to bring in some extra income, a lot of the products are honestly great! Just look at how Satan can twist things in this world. What if we all sold Jesus like we sell our items?

I recently have been very convicted to be as minimalist as I can be and it's helped me so much with my spending. Less is more I'm finding in alot of things (to read more on my minimalist journey check out "And I Lay Myself Before, Cuz Less is More" post)

My dear friend posted this in her Facebook group the other day and it's what I want to strive toward with my finances and spending!

Proverbs 31:16 She considers a field and buys it. From her profits, she plants a vineyard.

*She considers a field and buys it- She uses discernment when making purchases. She makes financial decisions thoughtfully & prayerfully. Does this benefit my family? Will this investment be profitable?

*From her own profits- She makes her own money. She is financially responsible.

*She plants a vineyard- Her purchases bring her family necessities, profits or blessings from God. She works hard.

I LOVE Marriage After God and this pod cast is a fantastic way to get out of debt and stay out of debt! Worth a listen!