Where do you sit

I went to a women's event with a couple friends last night. We walked in together and the question was asked... "Are you a front row or a back row person?"

My immediate answer was back row. I knew one friend had a very similar personality to me so I assumed she'd like the back as well, the other happily agreed, "I usually do front row but I can be a back row person today."

I could have went middle too. Just not the very front row please. What does this have to do with anything?

The theme of the event was overcoming fear. The gal that spoke told the Bible story of the Isrealites crossing the Jordan River. They had been wondering for so long that Moses had died and God left Joshua in charge. So there's some fear right there, the leader they had know for 40 years is now gone and this new guy is in charge!

They were so close to the Promise Land they could taste it, hear it (she even turned on water sounds in the background to allow us to visualize what they were feeling and hearing). But they had to WAIT. Had to make sure it was safe to cross.

I have been in seasons of waiting in my life, waiting for a husband, waiting for a child, waiting on my husband's illness to be over and to stop being in hospitals and surgeries over and over again. I know what it is to wait. But I'm not in a waiting season right now. And that's ok, that's not what God had for me that night.

They took stones and built the Ark of the Covenant and walked across the Jordan River! God provided after all the fear and waiting! And God was there for every moment of it!

We got to pick up stones that night too, and I really didn't know what God was telling me through that either. I didn't even go up to the front to take a stone because I didn't think I needed one at this time in my life.

The event got over and I got to witness my two friends who had gone with me, who only really knew each other as acquaintances from school PRAY with one another over HARD HARD stuff! Death, estranged relationships, miscarriage, just hard life stuff!

I left that night and just replayed the beauty of the event over in my mind. Women from every walk of life, many different churches and groups, all under one roof praising God! I saw a friend from college, several friends form a church we used to attend, and it didn't matter. We were all just women. Together praising God! We all fear. Yet we all have faith in God!

A different gal got up and read something to the effect of how things happen but when you add but God to it, it helps the fear go away!

I may never have a child, but God

I may never get married, but God

I may have witnessed a death, but God

My future seems uncertain, but God

I had a divorce, but God

God can heal and does heal. Why are we so afraid!

The whole night I kept asking God, what am I afraid of? What is a fear in my life I need to overcome. I felt like I was honestly doing ok at this time in my life. But I realized I was ok with being a "back row" person. And God wants WAY more from me than that.

I watched my friend worship with abandon, on her knees sometimes, hands raised sometimes, tears streaming down her face. She didn't care who saw. She just LOVED and LIVED and had her own time with God. I want that, a front row person does that.

I saw God speak through her as she prayed for my other friend. A person she didn't even know all that well yet, she let God work in her and listened to his promptings to pray. A front row person does that. I want that!

I have felt God calling me to do some hard things. Share some truth from my past, stand up for some controversial things, talk about things that no one talks about. I thought I had done it for the most part. But last night God reminded me that I'm being content in my back row seat. In the "safe space". I don't want to stay back there. I want boldness!

I want to be the one in the front row worshiping him with reckless abandon with tears streaming down my face!

So where do you sit? Are you a front row person, or a back row person? Because, just as my friend said when we came in, "I can be a back row person for the night". And she can, and she does sometimes, I know she doesn't listen to every prompting from God. I know she's got fears in her heart. She's human! But she doesn't STAY back there. She's there for an evening but then she jumps right back up to that front row because that's where she belongs. It's where we all belong. Don't let fear keep you stuck in the back row.